On My Mind

Those of you who know me may remember that when I first came to my small community in rural Panama I became fast friends with a woman named Magalis. Although I lived in another house, Magalis and her three children Maria, Robi, and Carla were my real host family.

Magalis was alway ambitious and had an open mind to new things. For example, once she asked me, "Is Buddhism bad?" bedause she was raised and indoctrinated in Catholicism, which is generally not so open-minded. We talked about world views and reincarnation and everything. I used to eat lunch and dinner at their house every day. Sometimes I showered there. Everytime I got back from a trip, I would make sure to visit her that same evening. I always played games and swam in the creek with the kids. When I finally did move into my own house, the three children helped me move.

Little-by-little, Magalis and I began to lose touch. I realized that although she has an open mind to ideas, she had a closed mind about how to make money. As a Peace Corps volunteer and as a human being, I wish for the people of my community to find livelihoods for themselves within the community. (That is why I began the tourism project.) Magalis chased jobs like butterflies...she earned $10 every three months working with the medical visit team, she taught reading classes, she helped administer the primary elections. (We have elections this year in Panama, as well.) But ultimately, she did what everyone else from my town does to make money...she moved to Panama City to work, leaving Robi and Carla with her father (their grandfather, Fernando).

I visited her less frequently because I knew I was fighting a losing battle. She always said, "I want to WORK. I want my OWN money." She told me about her husband who hit her and I knew I could do nothing to help her but offer comfort because she would not leave him. He was her regular paycheck and how she was able to buy food and clothes for the children. He did not live in town, but in Panama City, and sent her money every month. So he only came home, drank, and hit her on holidays. I personally could not take giving unheeded advice anymore. I can only hope that Magalis does not live with her husband in Panama City. Possibly she does not. Her son, Robi, told me that she is working as a domestic.

I have always liked Robi (age 11) a lot. He is smart. He will be very handsome. Robi is extremely helpful and sweet. I have told him that if he ever needs anything, not to hesitate to come over. I told the girls, too, but in the midst of preadolescence and adolescence, things are different for girls.

Robi came over last night just around dusk, not really for any reason. I was about to eat dinner (just Ramen noodles) so I offered him some. I asked about Magalis and she is doing well. Her boss wants to put Carla (age 10) in private school. Maria (age 15) is already in boarding school. Robi said that he plans to stay in the community with his grandfather so his grandfather is not alone. The secondary school just got computers and internet so it may be a decent education there. Robi said he wants me to show him how to use computers this summer (mid-December to mid-February), before he starts school.

We ate dinner and then it got REALLY dark. It was cloudy and we have no electricity. He asked if I had an extra flashlight but I do not, so I walked him home to his grandfather´s house. Carla looked sad and lonely. The kitchen floor is earthen and dull. They invited me in but I had to go home to pack for a trip out of town.

This morning (actually it was night still), I kept hitting my alarm´s snooze button. But I thought I heard Robi´s voice say my name, "Teri," and I awoke. No one was there.

Maybe I can help Robi financially someday. He shows so much promise. I would like to give back for all the friendship and emotional support he has given to me.