Online Dating

In my second month in small-town Illinois, I thought that it might be a good idea to find a local boyfriend. I created an online profile, paid my $33 dollars and began a search into local eligible bachelors. I am not going to say that online dating is a bad thing, and in fact, I think it is a nice solution for busy URBAN professionals who have the chance of meeting other busy urban professionals, then go on lots of dates, and eventually meet someone that they really like. However, I highly doubt that intelligent graduate students in a rural area will find the love of their lives.

I should have listened to my supervisor (who is from here) that unmarried men of my age (29) have some sort of problem. It's not like the young professionals in Seattle or Washington, D.C. who have been studying or working on their careers who simply have not yet found "the one". Rural Illinois shares this in common with rural Panama. Most couples get pregnant and get married in their early 20s, if not sooner. Many men my age have already had children and have divorced...that is why they are looking online. I found more than a few problems with these bachelors and thought I could share some of the things I have learned with you.

Problem 1--Distance: Rural areas have less population densities than cities so my computer-recommended matches lived from 30 minutes to 4 hours away from me. I don't have a car. It would be difficult to arrange a first date, much less an ongoing relationship with these men. Plus, due to my town's location, they are not even all in the same state! Some live in Illinois but others live in Iowa and Missouri.

Problem 2--Photos: Do you really think I want to see all of your muscles that you are flexing in the bathroom mirror while you take a photo with your camera phone? I really like that you cut your ex-girlfriend out of the photo...but I can still see half her face. Don't you have any nice photos alone? Why do you look like you want to harvest my kidneys and eat them? Why are you posing with children who are not yours? On the other hand, I kind of like the outdoorsman photos where they wear camouflage and pose with the various fish they caught...each fish larger than the last.

Problem 3--Age and Marital Status: I am 29. I am not an "old maid". I do not think that meeting an unmarried man, falling in love, marrying, and having a family together is a fantasy for me. BUT, the men on this service already have 1-3 children, have married and divorced, and that is why they are online. The 22 year-old who wrote me was unmarried but again, far away.
Sidenote: My boss tried to put in a good word for a widower we lunched with a few weeks ago. His daughter is in college.

Problem 4--They don't write coherent sentences!
"so am a fun loveing guy looking for love and like to trailver and go to the beach and ride my horse and go to the lakes around were i live and like hunting and fishing and i love kids to i have a litte gril so"

Same Guy: I LIKE SOOM ONE WHO WOULD LIKE GOING TO BEACH ANDWHO WOULD RAIDED HORSE AND LIKE GOING TO THE LAKES ANDLIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF FRINDS AND GOING CAMPING AT THE RIVERS AND I HOLP THEY LIKE KIDS BECASE I HAVE ONE IT A LITTE GRIL AND I HOLP MY MATCH HASE KIDS

"i should like prever to take rest in sweet areas that has a more preventage and get really love that can make me happy in that area..."
favorite hot spots:
island, and also in the mountain...sepecially in the road before arriving at place, on the traveling...
About my life and what I'm looking for: "wanna make love every i need"

my ethnicity:
"I am proud of who i am always..God is an Olson God!..."
(Did he mean awesome?)

Problem 5--Lack of Common Interests:

Bachelor #1-I spend alot of time training in MMA (cagefighting) Dont let this bother you i dont have a temper. I just like to fight in the cage. Plus its a great work out.
What I like to do:I train 4 days a week for cagefighting

Bachelor #2-Last read: "Home Buyer's Guide, I enjoy catalogs."
(That's the one who looked like he wanted to eat my kidneys. What was someone in Spokane, Washington doing looking at my profile, anyway?)

Bachelor #3-"I'm a geek love to game either tabletop live action roleplaying or computer I like comics or any book and enjoy science fiction shows like Dr. Who and Primeval"

Bachelor #4-for fun:
"Hunt, fish, ride my dirtbike, work on my truck"

Bachelor #5-"Well I love to play video games and stay home and be with the one I love! I love long walks and country music. My match would have to like the same things as well! She must love to cook and would love to have children as well!"
(That was his entire ad)

Bachelor #6-favorite things:
"i listen to metal mostly but i do listen to some rap and a lot of country too."
Wow. Those are my least favorite genres of music. Amazing combination.

Bachelor #7-
"i love to ride my harley and four wheeler. im also a big hunter and fisher."

Bachelor #8-favorite things:
"my favorite tv shows include the o'reilly factor, and any sporting event"
last read: "platoon leader"

Bachelor #9-for fun:
"I love to do pretty much anything that involves being outside. I love to hunt, fish, go four-wheelin, and target shoot with my dad and my friends."
What about hiking, camping, and canoeing? I guess you don't get to destroy stuff that way.

my job:
I am currently employed by [omitted] although I am laid off right at the moment.
How he can be both currently employed AND laid off at the moment?


Problem 6-Damaged Goods:

"Well to start off I feel like I am trapped and not going anywhere in life." (That's his opener)

"I've been through a lot the last couple of years stemming from my divorce from a cheating unappreciative woman"

"i dont want 2 b controld i have already been there."

"I am known as being the man with amazing potential but rather chooses to let precieved great opportunities pass me by."

Headline: "Tired of being lonely and I dont want to be hurt."


In the end I have decided that it is better to have a boyfriend, whom I love, who lives 2,283 miles away from me than to have one of these online applicants.

Autumn 2009

Having spent the past two years in a semi-tropical environment, it is both exciting and saddening to spend my first fall in a temperate zone since the fall of 2006. The leaves change from green to the brilliant yellows, oranges, reds, and purples below the oft-seen greens. I have four gingko trees in my neighborhood and gingkos seem to have the most brilliant and long-lasting yellows of all of the species. The fan shapes of the leaves and the symmetry of the trees themselves are so beautiful to rest my eyes upon. Even when one tree dropped all its leaves one day, the fan-shapes on the ground were still spellbinding.

Each day forward from September 21st, there is a little less light than the 12 hours I was accustomed to experiencing in Panama...and CERTAINLY less light than I experienced in Macomb, Illinois than when I first arrived in August of this year. We just "fell back" with daylight savings time and yesterday the sun set at 5pm. Harsh. With the decreased sunlight, increased rainfall, and increased wind, we all know that the dark days of winter are approaching.

Panama has roughly 12 hours of sun and 12 hours of darkness each day. It is nice and predictable. The "winter" would be better referred to as the rainy season and is marked by heavy rainfalls, but it is never COLD, just comparatively cold, with temperatures sometimes falling to the upper 60s.

My skin is so dry right now that a little bump this morning turned into a bleeding cut on my thumb. I must constantly carry lip balm and moisturizer on my person. Thank goodness I am going to Panama for three weeks in the winter, effectively skipping the winter solstice in the United States.

The economy is big news here in the United States. Apparently, there is some concern that people re-used Halloween costumes and decorations this year because their budgets are tight. Why does our economy need to be based upon the buying of unnecessary junk? People in my impoverished community in Panama did not have money to decorate for Christmas at all.




I am glad to be back in the United States because I now have time to reconnect with the family and friends whom I have not seen over the past two years but a large part of me misses Panama very much.

Tofu Stir Fry

So, I am readjusting to having more food choices and also the fact that I have refrigeration and a freezer. I used to cook big meals and eat them for three days. But I forgot over the past two years when I was in Panama. I had vegetables for my first two days in site and lived off of my hen's eggs, tuna, pasta, and ramen the rest of the time. (That, or visiting neighbors for more variety.) Something I had really missed was tofu. It is too perishable and not popular in Panama. There was soy protein, otherwise known as textured vegetable protein (TVP) but that is not nearly as delicious as tofu. I actually got sick to my stomach the last time I TVP.

Last week I bought a lot of vegetables that I still had not eaten today and then went to the Macomb Farmer's Market to get even MORE vegetables today. So, I made my first tofu stir fry in two years. It was delicious!

1 package of tofu, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
1/2 red onion
1 medium red pepper
1 medium yellow pepper
4 cloves garlic
1 medium bunch of turnip greens
1 large tomato (I used yellow)
3/4 inch piece of ginger
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. curry powder
2 Tbsp. vegetable oil


Dice all the vegetables
Keep turnip greens and tomato separate from the others
Heat the oil in a large skillet or wok on medium-high
Place tofu in first
Add garlic, onion, ginger, and peppers
Add spices (salt, pepper, cayenne, curry powder)
Stir when tofu begins to brown
Add tomato when more liquid is needed
Add turnip greens last
Turn off heat when turnip greens are wilted

Serve hot over rice, if desired
Refrigerate your leftovers for later!

~Teri~

Complicated Life

I cannot believe I left Panama and started classes three days later. What was I thinking?! It was a brilliant idea and I am intellectually challenged every day. I LOVE SCHOOL and class discussions. It's just homework that is the difficult part for me. I did not really have deadlines in Peace Corps Panama. I did not have a schedule. I tried to create a schedule at first, but it did not work because nothing happens on a regular basis, except for church and I am not a Catholic or an Evangelical so I did not go to church.

My schedule was flexible and free. Work happened on a boom and bust basis and was usually planned weeks in advance. Earth Day, Captain Planet, The Vagina Monologues, Youth Conference, World AIDS Day, health lessons...one time activities in one or various locations. One high energy, productive day with planning preceding it, but no SCHEDULE.

Every time I was in Santiago, Veraguas, my regional capital, I would pass by the offices of the Ministry of Education and the Office of Rural Electrification to see if I could advance progress for my town by having a good teacher and electricity. That was unscheduled, as well.

I had routines. I woke up, fed my dog, made coffee, ate breakfast, and read a book or a magazine almost every day. No everything and everyone has a fixed schedule. Students are all "plugged in". They all walk around either listening to their iPods or talking on their cell phones to people who aren't in front of them and ignoring those who are in front of them. This is the origin of the breakdown of society. This is probably the origin of attention deficit disorder, as well. We do not focus on the things right in front of us and our technology is creating the impression that we can interact with people with small snippets of words, such as "Laughing Out Loud" (LOL). Here I am, typing on a computer to get my thoughts across to a captive audience who CHOSE to read my thoughts.

I am having a little trouble concentrating on my homework. Specifically, reading textbooks while I am at home. Is it really a surprise? I lived in a village of 150 people without a cell phone signal, with one public phone, two dry goods stores, and no electricity for two years. There were no distractions, except for face-to-face visits with friends.

Now I have a cell phone and a 13" laptop with internet in my apartment. I have my living room light on, my clock radio plugged in, my computer plugged in, two lamps plugged in (not on), a printer plugged in, my cell phone charger plugged in, a night light plugged in, two pilot lights on my stove and one on my oven, and the constant hum of my dehumidifier.

The internet is the key to finding out what I have missed these past two years while I was living the simple life. Who is on facebook and what are they up to...recent photos and occupations. Hulu brings me television, both old and new. I need to talk to friends and family to get caught up on our lives. (I have to admit that in Panama I was mostly broadcasting and not listening to what was happening back in the USA. Thus, the blog.)

I feel as though I am on the cusp of being able to focus on my studies. The newness of everything has worn off. My house is mostly in order. I feel comfortable and understand my professor's expectations. I also suspect that something will seem new and distracting many times in this readjustment process. Hopefully, I will remain aware and open although these things are available to me.

Tonight, I returned from my night class ready to study. I just had to walk my dog and get down to business. The following Instant Message script will give you an idea of what happened instead.

My online status is set to "Busy: Studying"
Friend: are you studying now?
Sent at 9:47 PM on Tuesday

me: are you trying to prove my status wrong?
no. I'm not studying yet. I just got home from class at 8:30pm and took Sugar for a walk.
I was just going to check facebook and email and get to work...
but then Misael called, Cassie texted, and you IMed me.
Sent at 9:52 PM on Tuesday

Exactly an hour later, I find myself ready to hit the books, mesmerized by modern technology.

Life was a lot simpler in rural Panama.

News from Panama

The other day I was watching the movie "Pollyanna" and I began to wonder if I had modeled my life after hers. I began to cry when she fell out of the tree and turned sour because she had lost her cheery spirit. I cried even harder when all of the townspeople came to see her off before she headed to Baltimore for a mobilization-saving operation. It was clear that Pollyanna had changed many peoples' lives for the better. I think that is what my hope had been in joining the Peace Corps and I was not sure that I had met my own goal. This morning, I received an email from a friend in Panama showing me that I had...

"You cannot imagine how much people miss you and they always ask me about you. We miss you so much! I traveled to town and everyone asked me about you. They send you greetings and thanks."

Hola,
No te imaginas cuanto te extrañan y siempre me preguntan por ti, te extrañamos muchisimo, viaje al satro y todos me preguntaron por ti, te mandan saludos y agradecimientos.

"Our town misses you and they are begging that you come back some day. Minga said that the people from the government organization that controls school funds came to visit the school and teach the parents and teacher how to use the money. They said that they came because you [Teri] sent a note. Minga said that they are very thankful and send you greetings. You sowed love and work and you are harvesting all that you sowed. They love you very much."

El satro te extraño y te pide a gritos que algún dia vuelvas, dice Minga que la gente del FECE fue a Visitarlosy orientarlos en el uso del dinero, y le dijeron que fueron porque tu enviaste una nota, ella dice que están muy agradecidos te manda saludos. Sembraste cariño y trabajo y estas cosechando todo lo lindo que sembraste, te quieren mucho.

When I left Group Health my boss gave me flowers and a note which read, "Thanks for getting us organized and for planting enduring seeds. Plant everywhere you go and we'll miss you." It's amazing how even the language of the two friends matches. I guess I have more in common with Pollyanna than I thought.

Homebody

About five years ago, I finally figured out the importance and sanctity of HOME. I suppose that I had always had a sense of it, as a sassy 13 year-old telling her recently divorced father that his house was, "My HOUSE, not my HOME." How does one create a sacred space, to which we are eager to return?

First, you must feel comfortable in your own home. If you don't do that, you'll be one of those people who creates their sacred space in a coffee shop instead. That's fine...you can have a coffee house family and warmth and comfort there as well. That is just not my personal choice.

I am forever grateful to my Seattle roommate Andrew for teaching me to cook five years ago. I was always able to follow a recipe but he taught me the ease and importance of improvisation. That also enabled me to use the delicious products from farmer's markets. We gardened, harvested blackberries, and experimented in canning at that house AND became neighborly with Cathy across the street. That was a good home, but my own room was cold and damp. My bed actually GREW MOLD and I had to pull it away from the wall every day.

My Panama home was wonderful and ever improving. It was scary moving in because no one had lived there in two years and there were infestations of various animals around the cinder block walls of the house. Two weeks of steady cleaning got it livable and over time it became one of the prettiest and most comfortable houses in town. I dug a garden and spread ground covers on the hilly and rock-strewn grounds. The front garden was a mess, falling forward from the termite-weakened boards that had once held it in place.

I built a rock wall and my landlords took a new interest in their old home. They brought in good soil and new plants. I cared for their plants and added more of my own. I got a dog finally. I have wanted one my whole life and in college I used to say, "My leash arm is ticking." It was not my biological clock, but a yearning for a furry friend. I happily brought Sugar from Panama to my new home of Illinois.

My space is not the greatest of places. It is a dark basement, which smells moldy with the midday sun. However, it is mine, close to campus, and dog friendly. I moved in on August 2nd and affectionately call it the "Care Lair". It was filled with moving boxes for the first week. I was out of town the second week in August and went out of town for a wedding the last weekend in August also. I could not even find my dishes the first week in town!

Creating a home has been slow work. Hours of graduate classes, a graduate assistantship, and hours of reading compete with my home time. I still have not gotten in the swing of cooking again. I have not made the time for it yet and I cannot find the easy ingredients (tofu and tempeh) that used to bring me so much joy in the ease of cooking. Meats are too precarious for one person.

I needed a kitchen table but the one I bought was black and STICKY. I stripped the paint immediately, unfortunately getting high off of the fumes. Spray paint failed and classes interrupt my painting sessions of the enamel paint. I think it's done now.

My lease had a part that stated that residents must deep clean their apartment weekly. I highly doubt that my apartment has ever received deep cleaning from anyone. Some enamel paint dripped onto the kitchen floor. I scrubbed it without the aid of any cleaning product. I just used elbow grease and the off-white floor appears to be WHITE below the grime.

All of my friends went away for the Labor Day weekend but I am happy to be here alone and without distraction to make this house a HOME.

Trains, Planes, and Automobiles

I went to the most lovely wedding this weekend. My friends Steve and Jamie got married on a farm in North Carolina. These friends are academians, not even my farmer's market friends, but sustainability is happily a catching passion. Jamie and Steve met in Seattle in 2005 when they were both in Americorps. Steve was my roommate for a month but I moved away from Capitol Hill to the U-District. (I have always preferred comfort to trendiness.) They always had great events with good people and good food...as they did for their wedding as well.

At first I was nervous that I only knew the bride and groom but then felt honored when I realized how small their event was and that they had hand-selected friends from the various places they had lived in their lives...and I am one of them. Their vows were more like stories and ideas than vows. It was a personal ceremony held outdoors at the "golden hour". The groomsmen got the brunt of the setting sun and we all giggled when a donkey braying nearby penetrated our concentration. A rooster crowed and goats frolicked nearby.

The flowers were zinnias and wildflowers placed in jelly jars. The guests found their seats at dinner by locating a jar of homemade strawberry jam with their name and table number on it. The reception immediately followed the ceremony and seeing as how I was on a farm, I danced barefoot on the dance floor and walked on the grass like that.

The following day I met up with three friends from Peace Corps Panama. They attend Duke University and we had brunch at a "locally grown" cafe. I guess it was the theme of the weekend. Also, a number of the groomsmen knew another volunteer from Peace Corps Panama. They had all grown up with Steve near Boston. Sometimes I think my world is ruled by degrees of connection rather than degrees of separation. Tom and Meghan dropped me off at the airport.

I spent the night with Judy's parents. They are Mexican and I do not think we spoke a word of English. They met me at the "L" station with a jacket because it was cool out and Senora Gloria cooked me some dinner and gently woke me in the morning. We left the house at 6am so I could catch the train from Chicago and make it to my 2pm class today.

Today, I discovered that two dear friends live in Chicago but I still think that I had a perfect weekend. I will see them on the next journey. I can walk just three blocks to get to the train station but I must take that train four hours to Chicago if I want to fly anywhere. It's okay. It used to take me eight hours to travel from my town to get to Panama City. I can travel patiently and read or nap along the way.